The questions people actually ask this desk

Four things: the date, the start time, the length, and the hotel or street. A name from who is on helps but is optional. Hold the room number until Etta confirms. Anything else you want the evening to take account of is worth saying in the same message: a table already booked, a curtain time, an early alarm, or simply that you have had a long day and want a quiet one.

Often none at all in the town centre and Windsor, where a companion is inside the hour on the Elizabeth line. A day is better everywhere and two days are better again for anything built around a dining room. The real constraint is rarely the companion and almost always the kitchen, because dining rooms out here fill and close earlier than guests expect.

An hour, from £250. Near the terminals it is three hours at £700, because the journey in and out sits inside the booking and an hour would be almost entirely travel. There are no half hour bookings on this desk and there never have been, because a rushed half hour is worth nothing to either side.

Distance, plainly. From central London the run to a terminal is the best part of an hour each way. Three hours is the shortest booking that leaves an evening inside it once travel is counted. It is a length rather than a surcharge, and it applies equally at Terminal 5, the Bath Road hotels and the Colnbrook belt.

No. Her journey to you is inside the figure everywhere this desk covers, from Maidenhead to Longford. Taxis the two of you take together during the evening are yours. Journeys that start and finish inside one evening, a run out to Windsor for dinner and back, are simply part of the night and you settle them as you go.

In person to your companion as the booking begins, and only ever the figure Etta confirmed in writing. She will not count it in front of you and she will not mention it again once the evening has started.

Her time and her companionship for the hours booked. Fees are for time and companionship only, and nothing beyond that is ever offered, listed or priced anywhere on this site. That also means there is nothing on this site to decode: no service lists, no initials, no euphemisms doing quiet work in the background.

Not from us. Reception is never contacted, never told a name and never asked anything. Your companion arrives as somebody meeting a guest, which is what she is. If you would rather meet downstairs in the bar first, say so when you book and that is how it will be arranged.

Yes, and they are glamour and lifestyle photography shot for this site, faces softened, no nudity. The photo policy explains how they are made and what we refuse to do. Where a set has aged past the point of representing her fairly it comes down and a new one is shot, rather than being quietly edited into currency.

Then the booking ends there and it costs you nothing. It has not happened, and the reason it has not is that every set is checked and reshot rather than edited.

Yes, and a lot of guests staying a week do. Tell Etta the dates together and she will hold them with the same companion where the diary allows it. Regular guests who come back to the same business park every few weeks often keep the same companion for a year or more, which is easier for everybody.

Yes, across every area on this site. Etta asks for the street and door number and whichever surname is on the bell, in place of a room number. Everything else is identical. A private address in Datchet or Burnham is just as straightforward as a hotel room in Slough, and the timing works the same way.

Anywhere between Maidenhead and Terminal 5 as a matter of routine. Beyond that, ask. The travel is inside the figure, but the length needs to be sensible for the distance. Outside those bounds the honest answer is that the journey starts eating the evening, and Etta will say so rather than take the booking and hope.

The evening moves. Send Etta the flight number when you book and a message when you know, and the agreed figure stays exactly as it was. This happens constantly and it is routine. The same goes the other way: if you land early and want to move the evening forward, that is usually possible too.

Anywhere a companion does not feel comfortable, and she decides that, not the desk. Beyond that the limits are practical: some of the outer areas need a longer booking to be worth the journey.

Usually. Tell your companion and message Etta at the same time. If nothing follows in the diary the booking moves up a rung and the difference goes to her at the end of the evening. If the diary is full she will say so immediately rather than leaving you wondering, and the original length simply runs as booked.

WhatsApp or Telegram, both on every page of this site. Etta answers the same evening. booking sets out exactly what to send and what comes back.